What rights as father?/Signing Birth certificate

You are pretty much screwed i believe. If the child was born into a married couple, legally the child has to have the name of the father, unless agreed upon. If you are not married the mother can name the child anything she wants, however if paternity is proven by a dna test you might have some standing to go in front of a court and petition to have your surname as the childs legal surname. I find it somewhat odd that the mother to be has a fully participating partner in the process and wants to deviate from fairly normal practice and tradition.

edit: as for the birth certificate, that is not leverage. Your name does not even need to be on it, even if paternity is established.

I know one of the reasons my wife and I got married when we did, was because if we werent married, my son would've automatically taken her last name, being her ex-husbands. There was no ****ing way that was happening. So we got hitched. It doesnt seem like you two will be saying vows anytime soon, so I'd suggest trying to be civil and discussing the best name for your child. Regardless, she has the ball in her court....so maybe start kissing some ass? lol

maybe it's because your last name is roots? :wink2:

I have a similar situation but it sounds like my gf and I get along a little better than you and your baby mama.

Our compromise is pretty simple. Kid gets my last name and her last name will be the kid's middle name. No ****in' hyphen going anywhere on that birth certificate.

Maybe she would buy that? But honestly, if you guys aren't in a relationship I'm surprised she's even offering hyphenation.

"MonstBlitz wrote:

I have a similar situation but it sounds like my gf and I get along a little better than you and your baby mama.

Our compromise is pretty simple. Kid gets my last name and her last name will be the kid's middle name. No ****in' hyphen going anywhere on that birth certificate.

Maybe she would buy that? But honestly, if you guys aren't in a relationship I'm surprised she's even offering hyphenation.

Her last name is Sanchez. Not sure that would fit as a middle name.

LOL, what are you getting married now too?

I'm sorry, that was cruel.

Wear a condom next time.

What's the point then?

Then you wouldnt have your demon spawn on the way and a burning sensation when you pee?

So she gets to pick the first name, plus her last name....and you get the second of two last names. Is that right?

Sucks bro. And I'm sure you'll be 'paying for the privilege' the next 18 years, assuming it's yours.

As far as I know, indeed......you're basically screwed. Because you're not married, she can name it whatever she wants.

About the birth certificate. I've heard of instances where a man was on the BC, then it was found not to be his....and he was STILL held legally responsible for child support and such.

You may want to talk to a family law attorney sooner rather than later. Many times you can get a free consultation. It sounds like you'll be needing one anyway it it's yours.

You only have one first born son. Better to have everything in order either way.

I second that. Don't get your legal advice on this board. Talk to a lawyer whose regular practice includes family law.

But before you lay out money to sue her, which will royally and irretrievably piss her off, go for a long run to cleanse your spirit of all anger and resentment, and consider this:

If she's Puerto Rican, calmly and respectfully tell her that the child should be named as Hispanics have named their children for many centuries: the first name, followed by the father's family's name, followed by the mother's family's name. For example, if the father's surname is Smith and the mother's surname is Sanchez, the child's name is John Smith Sanchez. That is the Hispanic tradition. Two surnames. Father's, then mother's. Tells everyone the child's complete bloodline, prevents confusion with the other John Smiths of the world, and makes the use of generational crap like "junior" or "the Third" totally unnecessary.

The idea of the mother's surname first, by the way, is a weirdness completely made up by her. Her Puerto Rican parents, if they are at all traditional (and family is EVERYTHING to Hispanics) would think it ridiculous and inappropriate. The operative word is "comemierdería," accent on the final "i" (as in: what she is proposing is a _________). Don't use the word in front of her parents, or you will lose their support. Use the tradition argument. If she is any kind of a Puerto Rican, even a tiny little bit of one, she'll at least consider it seriously. Offer a hyphenation to Anglicize it, if she must: Smith-Sanchez.

Now take a few deep breaths, go see her (at her parents' if possible) and close the deal.

Muck is 100 percent correct. Do not sign the both certificate beforehand....all 50 states do not want a "bastard" child. If u sign it its yours.

"Muck wrote:

So she gets to pick the first name, plus her last name....and you get the second of two last names. Is that right?

Sucks bro. And I'm sure you'll be 'paying for the privilege' the next 18 years, assuming it's yours.

As far as I know, indeed......you're basically screwed. Because you're not married, she can name it whatever she wants.

About the birth certificate. I've heard of instances where a man was on the BC, then it was found not to be his....and he was STILL held legally responsible for child support and such.

You may want to talk to a family law attorney sooner rather than later. Many times you can get a free consultation. It sounds like you'll be needing one anyway it it's yours.

You only have one first born son. Better to have everything in order either way.

Well I am going to get a DNA test done prior to signing the BC. I have already heard horror stories. Most of my friends are idiots and knocked girls up at young ages, so I have a lot of advice being given to me about things like that.

"cdz12250 wrote:

I second that. Don't get your legal advice on this board. Talk to a lawyer whose regular practice includes family law.

But before you lay out money to sue her, which will royally and irretrievably piss her off, go for a long run to cleanse your spirit of all anger and resentment, and consider this:

If she's Puerto Rican, calmly and respectfully tell her that the child should be named as Hispanics have named their children for many centuries: the first name, followed by the father's family's name, followed by the mother's family's name. For example, if the father's surname is Smith and the mother's surname is Sanchez, the child's name is John Smith Sanchez. That is the Hispanic tradition. Two surnames. Father's, then mother's. Tells everyone the child's complete bloodline, prevents confusion with the other John Smiths of the world, and makes the use of generational crap like "junior" or "the Third" totally unnecessary.

The idea of the mother's surname first, by the way, is a weirdness completely made up by her. Her Puerto Rican parents, if they are at all traditional (and family is EVERYTHING to Hispanics) would think it ridiculous and inappropriate. The operative word is "comemierdería," accent on the final "i" (as in: what she is proposing is a _________). Don't use the word in front of her parents, or you will lose their support. Use the tradition argument. If she is any kind of a Puerto Rican, even a tiny little bit of one, she'll at least consider it seriously. Offer a hyphenation to Anglicize it, if she must: Smith-Sanchez.

Now take a few deep breaths, go see her (at her parents' if possible) and close the deal.

Oh. Well maybe she didn't say my name last...I think I was just extremely pissed at that point of time and wasn't having any of what she was saying. The problem with getting a lawyer is...what exactly is it going to do? Other then the name thing, we are agree and are civil on all areas including split custody, child support, etc.

I am assuming she would want it my last name then hers. But I don't. I understand her tradition. But what about mine as well?

I don't know...maybe having both last names wouldn't be to bad...

:/

Yep, as others have said, she can name it whatever she wants. Piece of advice though, from someone who's been there, if the kid is yours then you need to file for custody.

This does a couple things: Prevents her from moving out of state, and also keeps a record of child support. You should make copies of EVERY check you give her for support. Never, I repeat, NEVER PAY HER IN CASH. And make sure you put "child support" on the memo line of the check.

The law is setup to screw unmarried dads. Filing for custody shows the courts you were serious about being a responsible parent should things ever get that far. Good luck man.

Oh, and as far as the name thing goes, by signing the birth certificate you are volunteering non-custodial support of the child. So yeah, get a DNA test unless you're 100% sure.

"HardKoreXXX wrote:

Yep, as others have said, she can name it whatever she wants. Piece of advice though, from someone who's been there, if the kid is yours then you need to file for custody.

This does a couple things: Prevents her from moving out of state, and also keeps a record of child support. You should make copies of EVERY check you give her for support. Never, I repeat, NEVER PAY HER IN CASH. And make sure you put "child support" on the memo line of the check.

The law is setup to screw unmarried dads. Filing for custody shows the courts you were serious about being a responsible parent should things ever get that far. Good luck man.

Based upon a few friends absolutely getting destroyed by back child support. I have come to the conclusion that I should put myself on child support immediately. As far as filing for custody...what exactly does that Intel? and is that something that is going to piss the babys mother off?

Just remember as a general rule, get it all in writing, get it signed and notarized. That way there is zero confusion or "I didn't agree to that"

"Nappy Roots wrote:

Based upon a few friends absolutely getting destroyed by back child support. I have come to the conclusion that I should put myself on child support immediately. As far as filing for custody...what exactly does that Intel? and is that something that is going to piss the babys mother off?

It will all be explained by a lawyer, but I would say it should be something you look into, dont file for full custody, just joint custody. All that means is you have a shared legal right in regards to what the mother can and cant do, like Hardcore said...like moving the child out of state without your consent. If it does make her mad, just deal. All of this can be done without the courts however. Just go to an attorney, explain you situation and what you would like and a agreement can be drawn up. I dont know about Florida but most family law attorneys in my area give free consultations where everything could be discussed prior to them acutally representing you.

"Nappy Roots wrote:

Based upon a few friends absolutely getting destroyed by back child support. I have come to the conclusion that I should put myself on child support immediately. As far as filing for custody...what exactly does that Intel? and is that something that is going to piss the babys mother off?

An attempt by you as an unmarried dad to take custody away from her will not just piss her off. It will trigger the family law equivalent of a nuclear holocaust. Don't do it unless you are absolutely convinced that she is a totally unfit parent and the child would be in danger from birth on forward unless it was separated from her. Children of tender years are almost conclusively presumed to be better off with the mother.

If you go see a family lawyer, he or she will tell you how much the child support guidelines will require you to contribute to the support of the child, based on your and her incomes and earning capacities. It is a great idea to plan for it now. And if you acknowledge the child and provide support, she will not be able to move the child out of the state without your being heard on it, whether or not you "file for custody." Your seriousness in being a father will be more than well established by stepping up to the plate with support and signing an agreement calling for shared parental responsibility

Really. See a lawyer. If you're civil and both agree, the lawyer will protect your parental rights through a simple and inexpensive agreement and save you huge amounts of heartache, alienation and money in the future. Do it for the child, so he or she can have a father.

Well she is definitely a fit mother. Definitely not going to file for custody.

Like I've said, I plan on putting myself on child support. We agreed to split custody. However I said I didn't want an agreement and have to go through court, but that sounds like the opposite of what I should do. She doesn't want to keep me from the kid or anything, so I'm not worried about that. However, seeing a lawyer and getting a paper drawn up seems like a good idea. She's about 15 weeks now. At what point do you recommend talking with a lawyer.