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WTF happened to Opie?

Discussion in 'Religion and Spirituality' started by opfinistic, Jul 5, 2010.

  1. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Hey all, I've missed you dearly, and although it's been my own fault that I haven't been here I just needed some time away.

    I've been through Hell and back since the last part of last year and am still rebuilding myself into what I hope will be a stronger, smarter and overall better man. Here's what I've been through, and I'll take some time to explain where I am going and where I am now.

    March 10:
    The wife came home ahead of schedule and things got wrose.

    April 2:
    In any case. I declined to have the charges dropped and never contacted the State's Attorney. She could face a year in jail (doubtful, first time offense) and I couldn't care less anymore. I still have not spoken to her and will be filing for divorce, even though I have no idea where to locate her.

    Since then I've gotten a job that is okay, but in Highlands County during a depressed economy I am damn lucky. I have room to grow at the job, since I am seriously overqualified I think my advancement will be fairly rapid. I plan on filing for divorce next week and cutting off that part of my life. But one thing that has really gotten me was the fact that when I look back at everything I feel like I was guided, or more like dragged down this path by a Force that I just could not resist. I don't know what is planned for me and I don't care anymore. I am riding the flow of the river right now, accepting what happens and ready take advantage of whatever opportunities present themselves to me. I've made some friends at work, met a girl that I'm trying to hook up with and still have my beloved dogs. The rift that existed between me and my family is healing. I see my nieces a lot more and attend church weekly, either with the parents or on my own when they go at a different time. I'm healing. I lost 20 lbs. Gave myself a new haircut. I'm still disappointed, nothing I hate more than failing, and I consider the relationship and my entire life until now a failure, but I'm getting better. Last Friday was our 7 year anniversary I drank beer and listened to music for 14 hours, kind of a melancholic celebration. Despite all that happened I miss having someone there, just not her so much.

    I posted this here because I cannot refute the fact that this was God's hand that grabbed me by the hair and put me through all of this. For what purpose? I have no clue, nor will I ever, probably. I lost touch with the church for nearly 20 years, maybe this was His way of saying, 'hey punk, you doubt me? You doubt me? Watch this.' I have no idea. Thanks for listening, or reading and I am interested in hearing some of our Theological Gurus comments regarding this whole journey.

    Jimmy
     
  2. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    That wasn't funny at all.:tongue2:




    Seriously, bro good luck and I'm glad you're getting things back on track.
     
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  3. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Jimmy,

    I know what you have been through and so I skipped the dictionary of a post you posted :)

    As for a theological guru I considered minoring in theology at one point as I've studied everything from Christianity to more obscure faiths like Martinism and the like.

    I tend to take non christian angles. Why? Because it's easy to take them.

    I'm struggling with my own beliefs right now, and honestly I'd have to say they lean towards the sun. But that's for another thread.

    I think, perhaps, what has helped me the most is reading the following books:

    Tao Te Ching (to which I adhere to more than any modern faith)
    Zen Mind, Beginners Mind
    Power Of Now (Eckhert Tolle). Yeah it was on Oprah's book club thing but it's a good book.

    Taking the zen angle, because it's so damn paradoxical, my faith comes from nothing. From nothing we can create anything we need. The space in the room is there before we put things in it, and as you so eloquently post from Fight Club "It is only after you lose everything that you gain anything" or some such quote.

    In honesty I do not believe we have anything, ever. But it is when you lose the idea that you have anything, or that anything exists at all, that you gain your freedom.

    Best wishes my friend.
     
  4. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    I understand (I think) that Zen Buddists believe that want is the source of all unhappiness, but I cannot help but want. I have always wanted and will continue to want more. It is my (and human, I believe) nature to not be satisfied by what I believe I have.
     
  5. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    Want is not the source of all unhappiness to a buddhist, but not getting what you want is.

    The source of all unhappiness to a buddhist is suffering. Not getting what you want allows suffering into your mind, and distorts it.
     
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  6. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    I was close.
     
  7. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    True, but it's a technicality that's important to understand about the faith and that's the only reason why I corrected you.

    To take a Christian angle on it, think of the footsteps quote.

     
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  8. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Been a while since I walked.
     
  9. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    So replace footsteps with knee and hand prints

    Don't get caught up in semantics :up:
     
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  10. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    I'm just happy to see you active man. I hope everything's alright and only gets better. Honestly, I've missed the hell out of you and I don't even know you personally. It's all an internet friendship but dammit, when you have time, I hope you can come around more.
     
  11. DrAstroZoom

    DrAstroZoom Canary in a Coal Mine Luxury Box

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    Me too. :wink2:

    Hang in there, brother. You know how to find me if you need another ear or shoulder.
     
  12. FinSane

    FinSane Cynical Dolphins Fan

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    Opie I love you man.

    Pull yourself together and try to leave the past behind.

    I feel for ya. Sometimes I feel there is a force that we can't control that makes our lives miserable for whatever reason.

    But you got to pull through and push onward to the future, even if it doesn't look bright. At some point things will turn around, they just have to. Hopefully you can advance with your new job and that can lead to better things. Sometimes we have start all over in order to find some peace. Im going through a similar though much less serious situation, but Id never consider suicide, Im too determined to live even if things go sour. But I respect those who've seriously considered it and are not the chemically imbalanced type but the "f--- it I've been through too much" type. But too many people would suffer emotionally because of that decision and not to mention if you end your life you would never know what could've happened to you had you stuck it out. Good luck to you my friend, please keep us updated whenever you get chance.
     
  13. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I don't want to be debbie downer here, but I disagree firmly. Some people are just given rough lives.

    w/that said.. I think Jimmy will have no problem turning stuff around. Well, maybe some problems, but he can do eeeeet
     
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  14. Crappy Tipper

    Crappy Tipper AKA Hero13

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    Jimmy, It looks like he did more than grab you by the hair he yanked your *** bald. The proof of your meddle is that you're still standing after all of that.

    If it be by crawling, rolling or walking just keep moving forward. Let faith pull you and your friends push you but keep going.

    - Steve
     
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  15. Samphin

    Samphin Κακό σκυλί ψόφο δεν έχει

    Opie,
    Damn. I knew a little of what was going on, but had no idea of how much was wrapped around it. Like others here, I can relate on some level. In the past year, I have buried one of my best friends, ended an 8 1/2 year relationship, lost my house, most of my belingings and now live by myself in a smallish apartment and struggle to pay my bills since work is so awful right now. I too haven't been able to secure a night job which would help considerably.

    Hell, I even went back to doing illegal drugs but had to stop, simply because I couldn't afford it (that is a joke, sort of).

    Oh and I put my second dog down less than two weeks ago so I don't even have her anymore. :(

    Point being, that through all of that, my own battles with mortality and everythign else, I somehow have made it through to the other side...I think. I have a ways to go, but I have adjusted and while I am not overjoyed or anything, I am in a better place.

    I don't chalk it up to anything religious (I am convinced that religion is more divisive than anything else on earth, besides perhaps, money), but I do believe in the power of myself and knowing that at some point, the odds have to swing back in my favor.

    I don't know you too well outside of this site, but I can tell through your personality that has shown through on here that you are a good man and enjoy life too much to let this time period end that for you. The light might be dimmed to a soft glow, but sooner or later you will allow yourself to turn on a few lamps on yourself again.

    Its funny how you perceive yourself being a complete failure too. I have a lot of similar feelings with regards to spending most of my 20's with someone who ultimately betrayed me and started this sort of, downward spiral of my own. My thoughts have ince changed from it being a failure to a GIANT learning experience that is allowing me to never go through this **** again. I assume that you will one day, feel the same way.

    And besides, your new haircut is pretty damn sweet.
     
  16. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I honestly think having all the people here to talk to at times has saved my life. Besides football I can interact with people here without being around people.

    Not to take over the thread and make it my own (I've already started one :lol: ), but I've been diagnosed with a few things.. Borderline Personality Tendencies is one of'em. Look up the disorder, and you'll see it's a bit freaky.

    Point is this is a pretty damn cool place to be, and why I'm hoping I can meet so many of you at the phins/baltimore game this year.
     
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  17. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    I will not say anything just keep your head up and much love your way bro. Feel free to contact me if you wish to talk about anything. Again much love.
     
  18. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    jimmy i love you bro, i had no idea. and iam sorry for what you have gone and are still going through, its so great to see you here....ive missed you (no homo) and am here if you ever ever need to talk! Seriously bro....anything you need. You WILL make it.
     
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  19. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Thanks all, I'm touched (no homo) and I've made it through the worst (I hope) of it. My decision to almost end my life wasn't a decision, it was a reaction and I am so happy that those police stepped in and intervened. I don't know if I would have waited and let it happen or not, I'd like to think that I wouldn't but I was pretty ****ing down that day. Now if I can just find some decent ***** in this little town I'll be happy as a clam again.
     
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  20. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Indeed Opie, you would have most certainly been missed.

    It sounds like you've been able to take a small step back and see things more clearly?
     
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  21. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Small step? More like a leap. What do you think of the chain of events that rushed me along? I was raised Catholic, became a skeptic as an adult and simply cannot deny the fact that I was willfully guided to be where I am at this time, nor do I think the journey is over.
     
  22. HardKoreXXX

    HardKoreXXX Insensitive to the Touch

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    Sorry to hear about all that Opie, but it looks like you're headed in the right direction. Luckily, you kept your head in a tough situation and didn't fight back. That's a huge accomplishment, and one I don't think I'd be able to achieve.



    Sent from my HERO200 using Tapatalk
     
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  23. brandon27

    brandon27 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Opie... glad to have you back bro. hope all is well for you now, hope things continue to get better for you.
     
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  24. padre31

    padre31 Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Well, I say small step because there are still some tough things to go through Opie, you will have to dig deeper into the well you've discovered.
     
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  25. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    I **** you not bro, it took everything I had not to swing back. Everything. I don't condone hitting women by any means but when you are getting hit in the face the natural reaction is to swing back.
     
  26. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Huh. I know the actual divorce will be painful, they always are no matter the circumstances. And like I said I know my journey isn't over yet I have to wonder what I'm being prepared for.
     
  27. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I don't know if I'm a guru or not but my simple response is I am very happy you are here and did not conclude your temporary problems with a permanant solution!

    Your situation stunk. It is getting a bit better but what you went through will take time to heal and will leave some scars. All that said, I am delighted you are here and talking through the issues. Stick around, my friend, we need folks like you here, we are simply better having you in the community!

    Blessings
     
  28. anlgp

    anlgp ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A

    I see what you did there :hi5:
     
  29. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    You know me too well.
     
  30. Pagan

    Pagan Metal & a Mustang

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    Bro...that was something to go through man. I think we definitely need that beer in September. Hook me up with your cell and we'll make it happen.

    Oh, and if you go all "born again" Imma kick your ***. :tongue2:
     
  31. azfinfanmang

    azfinfanmang Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Very very very very good to see your posts brother.
    Our lives have MUCH parralellisms.....perhaps too many.
    You are learning from the obstacles, and I think that says quite a bit about you.
    You've got my cell number. Would enjoy conversation when you're ready.
     
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  32. gunn34

    gunn34 I miss Don & Dan

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    Tao Te Ching is the best way to live (IMO).

    Ditto.


    Jimmy, I believe everyone here missed the hell out of you. There has been quite a lot of personnel changes here in the last couple months. I'm glad to see you back and look forward to your post. I truly hope things work out for the best for you.
     
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  33. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Born again, no. Reborn better than I was before yes. Don't worry I won't bring a witch hunt with me in Sept. lol
    10-4 Kenny!
    They will. I'm a tenacious bull headed son-of-a-*****. We tend to make it through **** like this.
     
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  34. Killerphins

    Killerphins The Finger

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    I figured you were just another one of those whiners that had been chased away by the fanhell crew but turns out you have real problems :wink2:
     
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  35. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Wat? Yeah, real life can trump any E-drama any day. lol
     
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  36. Pagan

    Pagan Metal & a Mustang

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    Good...cause you pull up in a car with Stryper on the radio and try to hand me a bible, I'll slip a potion in yer beer. :wink2:
     
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  37. TrueDolFan

    TrueDolFan Minion of Satan

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    I feel bad for what happened to you, that sounded like it got REAL ****ed up for a while for you.

    It's cliche as hell, but it's also true as hell: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

    I'm glad you were brave enough to take that first step, and start rebuilding your life. Keep fighting the good fight, brother.
     
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  38. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    :pointlol: Stryper! Don't worry my taste in music and women remains the same.
    :knucks:
     
  39. azfinfanmang

    azfinfanmang Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Nice.
    Way to take a great thread and bring zero value.
    Well done.
     
  40. opfinistic

    opfinistic Braaaaains!

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    Don't sweat it Kenny. many of us have know each other for quite a few years now. We've seen each other up and down and become friends. One day he may join the fold.
     
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