If you're tired of reading about the other sex, you can skip this. It'll save you a lot of time.


I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, but I think there needs to be some background...so here goes.

I met my current GF in college Freshmen year......about 7 years ago. At the time she was dating a guy...let's call him *******. So long story short she dated ******* for two years while I knew her. During this time we got closer and closer, and eventually she broke up with him 2 years later. When she came back to school from that break, we started dating/living together.

Now, I'm going to be honest and say that I am not incredibly proud of my actions during that time. I typically respect relationships, and I did with theirs for a time, but I started to push a bit towards the end. I never tried to kiss her, never asked her to leave him, but I did tell her how I felt about 3 months prior to their breakup.

She moved in with me very shortly after the breakup...in hindsight...too quickly. It was something that had lasting ramifications on our relationship. She didn't talk to him at first, but eventually they kept communication up. It took her a year to tell him that we were going out. While the first 3 years were cool, the last 2 were horrible. As our relationship started to get worn down by stress from school and money, the obvious thing happened. ******* under the pretense of just wanting to be friends over time became a total thorn in my side. I always had kept an eye on the situation but was pretty open. I didn't like it taking so long to tell him that we were going out, but I felt guilty so I let it slide. Towards the end she saw him 3 times. Once was supposed to be the "goodbye" which ended up in her not answering her phone the whole damn night and getting home at 1 in the morning. The next was supposed to be for coffee that went later........I was livid.

Y'all may not believe me, but she never slept with him. I know that, I trust her on that, and don't question it. (you have to know the girl I guess..i probably wouldn't believe it either). But she did cheat in my eyes, as they were getting closer and definitely pushed the boundaries. The relationship culminated in the two of us and her friend, meeting him and a friend at a bar, and him serenading her to "can't find a better man" right in front of me with karaoke. I was livid, and what little bit of a relationship we had was shattered from that point. I moved out a week later, and said I needed some space. We kept in touch, last thing I knew was 2 weeks later she was seeing him again.

Fastforward a year......she sends me a lengthy email saying that she missed me, and wanted me to come out for thanksgiving. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, but did. That trip kind of rekindled the flame a bit...i found out that she wasn't seeing him...and hadn't spoken to him in 9 months. We started dating again......and it's been going swimmingly.

At least it was until ******* started calling again. This kind of keyed me off. I told her before we even discussed being together that I had made a decision that ******* was out of my life.....and that extended to people I know. She vehemently agreed that this was the way it should be (they weren't on talking terms at the time) and we continued on our path.

I want to state that I know that I made mistakes...we were young...all of us, and we all are at fault for what happened. I personally forgive him, and her.....but I don't forget. I've never felt so small as that night at the bar, and for my own self respect and sanity I can't allow myself to be put into that situation again. I didn't like how I felt about myself, and I didn't like how I felt about her. I feel strongly that I shouldn't have to deal with someone in my life who openly admitted that they didn't care what I felt was acceptable behavior with my girlfriend, and has been openly hostile....life's too short.

So anyway...******* starts calling again. I spoke to her about it, and she started getting defensive about my stating that he's out of my life. She says she doesn't want to be with him, and calls it controlling that I won't be with her if she does keep in touch with him. BUT after talking about it a bit she did agree that it was something that I needed, and that I deserved a life without him. That she'd talk to him, and tell him that they should have space...and just kind of fade the relationship out with time.

Fastforward 3 weeks when ******* calls again...and she tells me today that it went well.....i ask "as in he's going to back off?" and she lets me know that she didn't say that.....that it was inappropriate for the conversation, and that she doesn't see a need to tell him that if she keeps him at a distance. I'm mad, she's mad, fight ensues.

I'm at the point where I'm trying to decide if this is worth even saving. This girl is amazing in nearly every other way. She gets hit on a ton, which quite honestly I'm fine with. She's scorching hot, funny, and probably the best friend I've ever had.

That said I'm REALLY uneasy about this ******* hanging around. I know he's not over her, and I have yet to see her put him in his place. Personally I don't care if she were to talk to him on the phone a few times a year, but I don't believe that's where it will stay. He's a pushy mother****er, and devious as hell. As it went last time, it started as talking, moved to meeting for coffee, and beyond. The whole time I was painted as a controlling ******* because I saw through his ****.

She has other guy friends (one that she previously dated) that I'm fine with. But I'm NOT fine with this *******. Do I take a hardline, and walk away? Or do I try to stick it out (not sure that this is a possibility after today) and give her a chance to keep him in his place?

This is the last shot with this girl...I know that. But I'm strongly considering walking because of this baggage. I don't like him mulling about. Is it a blanket no-no to say "I'm not ok with you talking to him?". I know it sounds harsh, but all things considered I think I have a point.

And to clarify, she can do what she wants. Talk to him, etc. But it's my stance that I won't be around to see it.

Is that fair? I'll feel like a total tool if I go down this road and it blows up in my face and I get burnt again. I feel enough shame from the last time it happened.