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CHUCKLE REGION
CACKLE REGION
GIGGLE REGION
STAND UP COMICS
George Carlin
“If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter”
VS.
Denis Leary
Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, and we can't get Jon Bon Jovi onto a ****ing helicopter! http://youtube.com/watch?v=oAVoQfoU0dQ
George Carlin clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=2Rlqjxst6xU&feature=related
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Lewis Black
Lactose intolerant milk? Kiss my dick! If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk. So what's in the ****ing carton? Get it out of there, get it away from my milk. It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself
VS.
Louis CK
Sex for women it's spiritual, they get into it, they shiver, then they lie on their side and cry. But for us it's just something we need to do so we won't murder people. http://youtube.com/watch?v=yPvVnrV1tow
Lewis Black clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4mCDZMWVWuc
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Jeffrey Ross
What can you really say about Carson Daly that hasn't already been said about that ******ed boy that won the lottery?
VS.
Zach Galifianakis
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's ok to say, 'I have diarrhea,' is when you're playing Scrabble....... because it's worth a ****load of points. http://youtube.com/watch?v=oOQboHV3-PI&feature=related
Jeffrey Ross clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OAV898pqmIE
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Steven Wright
A while ago, I left my apartment building and walked my dog... on the ledge. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
VS.
Patton Oswalt
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. http://youtube.com/watch?v=_-oxsMl3iCA
Steven Wright clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=qPWGfnJ9X7c[/B]
Who is just damn Funny?
Poll closed Jun 21, 2008.
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George Carlin
73.0% -
VS. Denis Leary
27.0% -
Lewis Black
70.3% -
VS. Louis CK
18.9% -
Jeffrey Ross
59.5% -
VS. Zach Galifianakis
29.7% -
Steven Wright
51.4% -
VS. Patton Oswalt
40.5% -
Andy Kaufman
37.8% -
VS. Mitch Hedberg
56.8% -
Sam Kinison
75.7% -
VS. Bill Hicks
16.2% -
Dane Cook
54.1% -
VS. Gallagher
40.5% -
Andrew Dice Clay
67.6% -
VS. Carlos Mencia
27.0% -
Rodney Dangerfield
94.6% -
VS. Milton Berle
5.4% -
Don Rickles
51.4% -
VS. George Burns
43.2% -
Buddy Hackett
29.7% -
VS. Bob Hope
62.2% -
Dean Martin
62.2% -
VS. Lenny Bruce
35.1% -
Johnny Carson
75.7% -
VS. Jay Leno
21.6% -
Conan O'Brien
67.6% -
VS. Craig Ferguson
27.0% -
Stephen Colbert
56.8% -
VS. Jon Stewart
37.8% -
David Letterman
70.3% -
VS. Howard Stern
27.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
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Last edited: Jun 22, 2008
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Standup Comics - Gone too soon
STANDUP COMICS GONE TOO SOON DIVISION
Andy Kaufman
TONY CLIFTON: So... ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?
VS.
Mitch Hedberg
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2491LucLa1g
Andy Kaufman clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ALZz3vlIZiU
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Sam Kinison
YOU ****ING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my ****ing records back!
VS.
Bill Hicks
By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. http://youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
Sam Kinison clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=K1GjyrQiSRsLast edited: Jun 22, 2008 -
Standup Comics - Here too long?
STANDUP COMICS - HERE TOO LONG? DIVISION
Dane Cook
I do all the little tricklets. Everybody does little tricks. I do the little I bite your lip and I suck your lip; and here's my signature move, here's my thing right here, I flick you in the eye, that's me.
VS.
Gallagher
If pro is the opposite of con doesn't that make congress the oppposite of progress? http://youtube.com/watch?v=oI8QxKTw59Q
Dane Cook clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QQIzRCHW5sE
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Andrew Dice Clay
Old Mother Goose…I ****ed her.
VS.
Carlos Mencia
If you don't believe that God has a sense of humor, tomorrow go to Walmart and just LOOK AT PEOPLE! http://youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5k0RH9lBk
Dice clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BWzI_Wn0ZwM
Last edited: Jun 22, 2008 -
Standup Comics - Old School
STANDUP COMICS - OLD SCHOOL DIVISION
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl called me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
VS.
Milton Berle
I'm 83, and I feel like a 20-year-old, but unfortunately there's never one around. http://youtube.com/watch?v=PGfx3QAV64M&feature=related
Dangerfield clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=VwZAIO7q9v8&feature=related
------------------------------
Don Rickles
"There's Dom DeLuise there, sucking on the ice...trying to get another drink. Let me tell you quite frankly Dom, you have a bad body."
VS.
George Burns
"For thirty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died." http://youtube.com/watch?v=xQanq1OIMSk
Don Rickles clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PH23UjMG5wQ
------------------------------
Buddy Hackett
I'm diabetic, but to test myself, I just pee in the yard and watch the bees.
VS.
Bob Hope
I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ADwXu1qtpak&feature=related
Buddy Hackett clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=XszHqxPTUJM
------------------------------
Dean Martin
Last night, a girl kept banging on my door for forty minutes... but I won't let her out!
VS.
Lenny Bruce
You can't put **** and *** on the marquee!...Why not?...Because it's dirty and vulgar, that's why not!... Titties are dirty and vulgar?...Okay, we'll compromise. How about Latin? Gluteus maximus, pectoralis majors nightly...That's alright, that's clean, class with ***, I'll buy it...Clean to you, schmuck, but dirty to the Latins! http://youtube.com/watch?v=ndAEDo-v9Io&feature=related
Dean Martin clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xXOpJ86o-_kLast edited: Jun 22, 2008 -
The Hosts
THE HOSTS DIVISION
Johnny Carson
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
VS.
Jay Leno
How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol? [thundering applause] Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve. http://youtube.com/watch?v=b7CC9ZRcoCY
Johnny Carson clip
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EY3Lw_-bj5U
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Conan O'Brien
This year there will be more cutting edge political wit and satire, and less random arbitrary humour that doesn't make sense. Isn't that right, Fidel Castro Rabbit DJ?
VS.
Craig Ferguson
In a Scottish opera, it ain't over 'till the fat lady *****-slaps you. http://youtube.com/watch?v=zUpJxVdMR1o
Conan O'Brien clip
http://www.hulu.com/watch/6322/late-night-with-conan-obrien-nbc-tour-part-1
-----------------------------
Stephen Colbert
The greatest thing about George Bush is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
VS.
Jon Stewart
Because the seating for the Pope's funeral went in alphabetical order, the leaders of the country sat in order - Iran, Ireland, Israel. Three countries and four religions that hate each other.
http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=125035&title=war-money
Stephen Colbert clip
http://www.hulu.com/watch/22547/the-colbert-report-tickling-the-rocks-610
-----------------------------
David Letterman
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
VS.
Howard Stern
Janet Jackson's breast has gotten me into a whole bunch of trouble. http://youtube.com/watch?v=O1X5cQ1ymnQ
Last edited: Jun 22, 2008 -
Colorado Dolfan ...dirty drownin' man?
Damn... Some of these decisions are just brutal... :tantrum:
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Conan vs. Craig, harsh, tough call there.
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George Carlin all the way. He is great and I have a personal reason that is even better. :up:
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Letterman over Stern is a bit surprising. Not that Letterman isn't very funny. I just think Stern is amazing.
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Colbert > Stewart!
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I know dane cook is what people would call a sell out comic.....or whatever.....he just yells and all that....
but jesus god people.....hes F'in funnier than gallager!!!!!!! he smashes fruit.......the whole time lmaoColorado Dolfan likes this. -
wow some of these are tough... and i agree with sickfinfan, i dont think Cook is the funniest guy, but the fact that Gallagher is tied with him now is surprising
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kaufman vs hedberg aint right this early either...
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Killer matchups here. I'm pleased at the way things are going with the exception of Conan over Craig.
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finswin56 likes this.
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WOW..you put George Carlin up vs. Denis Leary?
Are you trying to piss me off?
I am tempted to leave that one blank. But I will vote George..but I am not happy about being put to that decision in ROUND 1.Colorado Dolfan likes this. -
:guitar:
:party: -
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Comedy is just way too subjective for me to fairly seed 128 contestants. My brain was just big enough to arrange it by best of certain groups.
But I do have a plan to re-enter one strong contestant before round 3. There is no way Dane Cook, Gallagher, Dice Clay, or Carlos Mencia deserve to last longer than the 96 funnier contestants who will be gone by then. Cosby will definitely have a chance for revenge.finswin56 likes this. -
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Why is Howard Stern included? He's not a comedian.
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What I meant is that HE is not a comedian himself. Any fan of the show knows Jackie and Artie wrote all his jokes.
I'm an Opie & Anthony fan, but I wouldn't tell you that Opie is a comedian because he runs the show. -
Since I'm being captain obvious I'll also point out that this isn't the "Best Comedian" Tourney, it is the "Just Damn Funny" Tourney. And Howard Stern is just damn funny.
Opie is funny, and so is Howard Stern. Comedy isn't purely about writing, performance and delivery are just as important. -
Doesn't matter anyway...Dave's spanking him. :lol:
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He would have made the list if his last HBO special didn't blow. -
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Wow Rodney Dangerfield is annihilating Berle, hes a strong threat to go all the way I think. Caddyshack was awesome, some great stuff by both Rodney and Bill Murray. And Chevy Chase as well now that I think about it lol.