***OFFICIAL*** THEPHINS.COM Roast of Opfinistic

Well, after very little anticipation and a week long delay due to lucky's work visa issues, the BBQ is ready to be served. The main course? A certain poster named OPFINISTIC. But this (psuedo) man is known by many names. Most around these parts know him as Opie. His friends (and I use the term loosely) on Facebook know him as Jimmy Paul, and the U.S. Government knows him simply as Megan's Law applicant #6980085.

Let's be honest, does that surprise anyone? Think about it, first off, he purposely goes by the first name, "Jimmy." Not Jim, not James, not even Jamie. No, he intentionally makes sure that everyone call him by a name that is also used to describe his ****stick. Second, he spends most of his online time pretending to be a five year old, when in reality, he is closer to qualifying for AARP benefits and scoring the early bird special at Carrow's than Ron Howard himself.

Speaking of which, how is a guy with a disturbing amount of pictures of Richie Cunningham beloved around these parts? Oh...wait, he isn't. Surprisingly enough, the only reason we are roasting Mr. Paulaphile tonight is because according to the scientific poll taken on these very boards, he is hated more than such world famous punching bags as: GISH, Griddles, Aqua4Ever04 and others. I'm no rocket surgeon...but that is a ****LOAD of hate. Congrats Jimmy, people finally see you as I see you...with disgust.

Speaking of disgusting, Unluckyluciano will be joining us shortly. This websites most beloved special child (re: Mexican) is selling through his last batch of strawberries on the side of the freeway and rounding up the rest of his children, nieces and nephews up in the truck. It is a shame that he doesn't know which one is which though. Most of you know this, but in case you don't, lucky is the reason why these roast even exist. Of course, he is also the reason they tend to suck, fall short and leave you empty inside and yearning for something, anything, else.

But enough about HardkoreXXX's sex life. His penis has been rejected more times than a guard driving the lane on Dikembe Mutumbo. Which is actually pretty ironic since rumor has it that Dikembe developed his "finger wag" taunt after watching Hardkore hula hoop naked.

But at least Hardkore's tiny mighty mouse is clean and clear of diseases. This is the direct opposite of Frumundah Finnatic's. Of course, I don't know what he expected when he started boffing every piece of roadkill he could find. The guy is more heinous than a cold sore on a ball sack...mainly because he IS a cold sore on a ball sack. Frumundah was better known as Mike13 for you old timers. Note that I said better known as...not better liked as... The truth is, we have hated him equally ever since he found these communities and thought our direct approach of telling him to leave was simply a joke. So let me be VERY clear about this...Frumundah13...no one likes you.

Oh wait...my bad, sorry Mike, I got you confused with GridIronKing34. Iowa's favorite daughter is this site's most hated. So much so that he can't even get his own football coach to spell his name right. The aspiring film maker has taken it pretty hard on the chin over the past couple of years, but enough about what he does in FRONT of the camera. What is truly awe inspiring is what he does behind the camera.

Nothing.

Honestly, I am pretty sure he is using his tuition money on meth, Tom Arnold DVD's and Ashton Kutcher wallpaper. Dude, get some ****ing help.

Afterall, that is what GISH did. Oh, what? You thought HE did all of those photoshop images? You're joking, right? How can a guy THIS insane possibly create art that good? Still not convinced? Okay, how about this, has anyone seen or heard from In_Flames since the guy who misspelled FISH (look at your keyboards people!) came to prominence?Gish might be the creepiest person this side of ANLGP. I am pretty sure that if the FBI ever raided GISH's toy chests in his room at his parent's house, they would find a combination of human, Barbie and G.I. Joe lips. Oh and quite possibly a Shenis... Hopefully this helps me get further in the "rep" thread :rollseyes:

Sick is here too...yeah, I know, but lets just endure him and push forward shall we? That's what we do with his radio show anyways...

Man, this dais is pretty bloated isn't it? Which reminds me, Section126 is here as well. The raging alcoholicpromised to quit dry ****ing his hands to the voice of Sean Hannity long enough to contribute a few jokes to this event. However, I had no luck in getting him to put down his Dwayne Wade vibrator, so just ignore the constant buzzing sound followed by the sound of the vibrator sputtering, choking and failing to hit free throws. I have always found it ironic that Section has denounced Fidel Castro and his policies while posting such thoughts from the Squat & Gobble Cafe on Castro Street in San Francisco (Google it).

All of these men and women will get there turn to tell us how they really feel about the (worst) man of the hour. Afterwards, Opie himself will have a chance to say a few words. The fewer the better actually. You guys ever hear Jimmy's voice? He sounds like Stephen Hawking gargling razorblades. In all honesty Opie, and I mean this frmo the bottom of my heart, you are a beloved poster on these boards and I mean it when I say...go **** yourself.

Wow, that is quite a long opening post to digest. So allow me to introduce the only member of the dais that can actually physically digest it all without it phasing him. The man formally known as Big E...but only because Big Ginormous Humoungous E was too long for a screen name...none other than Enforcerfin33!