Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief" as applied to the Dolphins fan who must endure the experience of watching our wide receivers 'play football':

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to talk of the Wide Receivers lacking talent with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the lack of receiving talent at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain as you witness receivers incapable of helping your beloved Dolphins win, or in fact contributing to it losing. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. That means no more getting drunk after a bad loss.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over why you still root for the Dolphins, or bother to cheer for, and act optimistic about the passing game's chances. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the dropped balls, incorrect routes, and lack of separation on convenient scape-goats such as Jeff Ireland, the coaching staff, the quarterbacks or even the referees. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your psyche may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why us? Are we cursed? Why does the league/God/my Mother-in-Law hate the Dolphins so much?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never cheat on my taxes again if you just let the light-bulb come on for Roberto Wallace.")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting living your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you as you recall all the missed opportunities and wasted potentail by the receivers the Dolphins have, had or could have had. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders, such as fans of winning teams or non-sports fans. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your suffering, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did and enjoyed during the Dan Marino and Marks brothers days, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.


5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without any receivers who can get open or catch touchdowns in the redzone, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly. You use a broom to fish your orange, dust-bunny covered Brian Hartline jersey back out from under the radiator where you threw it last week and the week before.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life as a fan of a team that has no passing game whatsoever. You will start to work on practical and emotional problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without expecting Dolphins wins, Dolphins fantasy players doing well, or perhaps even without watching games.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of the situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced watching your QB repeatedly eat a bowl of dirt because none of the four-wide spread can get open, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this trauma. But you will find a way forward. Whether it's through the lumbering tight ends, that nifty footed runningback, or just going deep on micro-analyzing the nuances of interior line-play, you find light in the darkness. Life as a Dolphins fan goes on.

 

Which phase are you in?

 

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain as you witness receivers incapable of helping your beloved Dolphins win, or in fact contributing to it losing. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. That means no more getting drunk after a bad loss.

The call girl thing is sexual addiction escapism. So is porn.

 

Campbell is not doing a great job.

 

Because he was the only dude I mentioned. lol.

Also, I replied to a guy griping about Tight Ends.

O'Keefe bothers me. Who does Geromino coach?

 

Yeah, that's stage 3.