Pop culture item consumed: Pajibans labor under a longstanding grudge match among various factions about the relative putridity of Crash, Paul Haggis’s 2005 Best Picture winner. As a vocal anti-Crasher, but after a semi-moratorium on Crash-bashing the past few months, it occurred to me that I might help resolve the matter. Because, really, who makes a better mediator than a boozy smartass with a mean streak and a strong bias? I decided to re-view the film and provide a real-time analysis. As always, there’s no extra charge for the douchebaggery.
Crash begins with a strong premise: Take a talented, multi-racial ensemble cast and script interactions among them as members of the same community to show the state of modern race relations. The film features Don Cheadle, Terrance Howard, Matt Dillon, Brendan Fraser, Thandie Newton, Sandra Bullock, Ryan Phillippe, Ludacris, and a host of solid character actors including William Fichtner. My recollection is that handing over this nice concept to Paul Haggis turns out to be like giving a fly-fishing rig to a one-eyed raccoon with rabies and lead poisoning. Sure, the animal likes fish, and this well-oiled machine is designed to catch fish. Given the mental acuity of the glorified rodent, however, the fishing rod just ends up wrapped around its neck, fish-hook firmly planted in one asscheek while Rocky ****s in the water.
Beverage consumed: Gin and ginger beer, my new favorite drink, at least for this week. Pour half of one 12-oz. bottle of ginger beer over ice in a Collins glass. Add a shot .. um, add gin to taste. Throwing one shot of gin at my mouth is like asking Prisco to hollow out the local bordello: Strap a plank to his *** and go to town.
Click to expand...