The most intertaining mock draft on the internet.

ToddsPhins · Apr 27, 2011

Here's a snip of it, but you'll have to go to the site to see the rest.
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/blogs/taibblog/2011-nfl-mock-draft-20110427

1. Carolina - CAM NEWTON, QB, Auburn

After being the chief ***hole of the lockout process Panthers owner Jerry Richardson doubles down and takes with the first overall pick the kid with the alien musculature and the painfully fake smile who looks like he might end up being the A-Rod of football. This could work out or this could explode kind of awesomely. Can’t wait for the headlines after Steve Smith hurls inevitable embarrassing and distracting Newton girlfriend Miley Cyrus (or maybe Snooki?) through a plate-glass window after a November road loss to Tampa.
Click to expand...

3. Buffalo - VON MILLER, LB, Texas A&M

Buffalo needs a quarterback, but their owner is nine hundred years old and wants to "win now," so they go defense. Miller's "sure thing" status added to Buffalo's increasingly doomstruck, LA-Clipperesque vibe means this poor kid is probably a few weeks away from microfracture surgery.
Click to expand...

9. Dallas - TYRON SMITH, OT, USC

This is yet another choice karmic-payback setup for another lockout villain. Omnipresent NFL blowhard Jerry Jones currently has a hugely disappointing on-field product to go with the world’s largest mortgage payment on that monstrosity of a stadium of his, and therefore must have a stress level approximating Hitler’s after the Soviets crossed the Oder river. So he must be wigging hugely over what to do with this #9 overall pick. If Jones falls in love with the USC kid Tyron Smith, karma dictates that the next o-tackle, probably BC’s Anthony Castonzo, will have a dynamite year with Detroit, picking a few slots later.
Click to expand...

15. Miami - ANDY DALTON, QB, TCU

Miami’s situation with quarterbacks is an almost exact parallel to the Redskins’ entire team outlook. The franchise is very well-run all the way around, but they just can’t stop f***ing up the quarterback thing, to the point where it’s now clearly a supernatural issue, i.e. they’ve gone far beyond the time when they should have found a good QB by accident. Dalton would probably be great with Jacksonville or Oakland or Washington, but the instant Miami picks him, he’s going to start morphing into Joey Harrington, his ginger hair disappearing into a brown bowl cut in the middle of his interview on ESPN with Todd McShay, a la the Michael Jackson “Black and White” video.
Click to expand...

17. New England – CAM JORDAN, DE, California

In the ten minutes it takes to make this selection, Bill Belichick will trade out of this pick, use the extra selections from that transaction to move around the board several times, then trade back into the 17th selection, somehow gaining two 2012 second-rounders and a conditional 2017 seventh in the process. The wives of all six of his trading partners will subsequently report “feeling something, like maybe an arm” reach up their skirts in investigative fashion during this ten-minute sequence.
Click to expand...

CaribPhin · Apr 27, 2011

That truly was intertaining. I just wish it was entertaining.

NaboCane · Apr 27, 2011

Funny schtuff.

Frumundah Finnatic · Apr 27, 2011

There does have to be higher forces at work here infering with our search for a QB, or maybe this organization is just that ****ing inept.

Onehondo · Apr 27, 2011

There definitely seems to be a dark cloud hanging over Miami's Quarterback search, especially considering we had Drew Brees fall in our lap twice and we had Matt Ryan within reach. I loved the Jake Long pick however and Ryan vs Long is not the issue. We will probably be kicking ourselves after this draft when we miss out on someone who ends up being the next Rogers or Ryan. It will probably shock all of us when we finally end up with "That Quarterback" at some point in the future.

ToddsPhins · Apr 27, 2011

KingMotion said:

That truly was intertaining. I just with it was entertaining.
Click to expand...

I got the first sentence. the second one, not so much. lol.

Pandarilla · Apr 27, 2011

That dude is stealing my schtick...

MrClean · Apr 28, 2011

IF we actually did take Opie Newman or Alfred E Taylor, whatever his name is, at 15, with Mallett, Ponder, CKap on the board, I am gonna be one royally pissed off mofo.

ToddsPhins Banned

Guest

NaboCane Banned

Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

Onehondo Senior Member Club Member

ToddsPhins Banned

Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

MrClean Inglourious Basterd Club Member

Share This Page