"You have some growing up to do"

 

"Make me sammich... NAO!"

...yeah, I ended up buying food... for me, and her.

 

"you are acting like a *****"

she then says "dont call me a *****"

and i say "no no no.....your not a *****. your acting like one. tobey mcguire isnt spider man......or a superhero.....but he acts like one"

she didnt buy it.......:pity:

 

This.

I hate when females take that the wrong way. Big difference between "acting" like a ***** and actually "being" a *****.

 

"Shut up *****".

"**** off"

pretty standard stuff LOL

 

"I'm going out with my friends tonight."

 

That's what she said

 

"The HEAT game is on."
"Wow"(when admiring another)
"Shush"

 

"Don't worry I'll spot your aunt on her squat thrusts..."
"Don't worry I'll spot your cousin on her squat thrusts..."

 

"shut the ****-up"
Then I slapped her on the a$$.

No, actually she liked that.

 

"Well it can't be my kid."

 

"I'm not interested in getting married."
"Marriage sucks."
"I'll have kids before I get married."
"Marriage isn't natural."
"Marriage is the death of freedom."
"I see myself at 33 successful, practicing, living in a bomb high-rise, unmarried."

so on, and so on, and so on.

 

This one landed me in the most trouble I've ever been in with Mrs. VO.

"You see that Dustbuster over there? Why don't you sit on it and rotate?"

:lol:

Yeah she went nuts on that one.

 

"Do you think it's mine?"

 

"You gave me the herps"
"No u gave them to me"
"No u did"


"your sister was better in bed than you" :no:

 

Ooo, that one could get you Bobbitted.

There's one phrase that there's no coming back from: **** you.

Say those two words and you can count on it being over.

 

love you?

 

"have fun sucking my **** when this bet is over cuz you're gonna lose"

she actually :lol:ed luckily enough for me

 

Just a few days ago. "Her butt looks like yours when we first met".

 

thinking out loud :no: dont do it.

 

Well, then I elaborated and dug myself deeper

"You had a great butt when we first met, she had a great ***, really it's a compliment to you".

 

lol. you may as well tell her that she looks like **** now. :lol:

 

Phone call at work
She "how's your day?"
Me "OK I guess, but I wish you were a bit more like my computer here"
She "Why?"
Me "It keeps on going down on me"
She ... deathly silence ...

 

i really pissed off wifey with this one (after we got married, and sex life declined a little bit)

"Wow....i finally see why everyone thinks ray ramano is funny......"

she at first didnt get it, then we watched "everybody loves raymond" and every 2nd joke is something about the lack of sex hes receiving and how things are different....

she really got pissed off when i bought all the seasons on dvd.........................

 

Similar to the "acting like a b!tch" one

"I didn't realize you had a 4 second 0-to-b!tchasaurus-rex time"

 

Dude, if I had a dollar for every time I've not just said that but actually yelled that to my wife, well...I'd definitely have enough money to at least buy some beer. Oh, and for the record, she usually just responds in turn with the same. :tongue2:

My fave that I can remember though was once when I saw her with a broom in her hands, and I swear the words just rolled right off my tongue as if I had been practicing it for weeks..."So, you going for a ride?" :lol:

Thought for minute she was gonna jam it where the sun don't shine, but she eventually smiled (and laughed).