Damn.

I think you have to alert the authorities. Her safety is paramount. You may lose her in your life, but if she got real hurt, you'd never forgive yourself.

Maybe, if you guys are in the same school, you can talk to one of her teachers that she respects, in confidence. If they see her with a black eye, and hear what you have to say, they have to report it to the authorities, and maybe your name can be left out of it.

 

i think depending on her age you need to either a) tell her to leave b) get her help, even if she may leave you in the process. Violence can escalate and you don't want to wait till it escalates her right into the grave. Whatever you do bro, do not fight the dad. You let the authorities handle it, unless its life and death.

 

You cannot sit by and let this happen. Alerting the authorities may 'ruin' her family, but it may also save her life, or at least save her from more abuse.

 

Not to derail this, or nitpick you Ohio, because I respect you to no end. But I'd like to point out, she may very well be willing to take care of herself, but she may just feel trapped. She might feel like every move she can make will hurt her and her family.

 

I mean no disrespect to anyone but I would strongly advise you not to inform the authorities at this point. It's a well-meant advice but the psychological mechanisms at place in an abusive father-child-relationship are much too complex to be properly evaluated by laymans and with the information provided. There's a very real possibility she will just deny the abuse in front of the authorities, leading to even more abuse (because she "told") and possibly to her never confiding it to anyone else again.

The best advice I can give is to gently gather more information and present that information to a professional (there ought to be a hotline or shelter you can contact, for instance). Then take it from there with a professional viewpoint on the matter.

 

The thing is though, without notifying the authorities, the proper help won't come. I assure you, the police would see the black eye, read her demeanor and her fathers and decipher the situation. They have training for this sort of thing.

 

But they might just lack the evidence. Even if they read her like a book, all it takes is for her to say that she fell down the stairs or ran into a door and there's preciously little the police can do. And that's, unfortunately, what happens in a lot of cases. And it also often escalates the situation from bad to much, much worse.

I'm not saying that proper help isn't needed. It most certainly is. But sending over the police with the information provided might just as well worsen the situation considerably. It's the natural reaction but in the complex case of an abusive child-parent-relationship, it isn't necessarily the wisest.

 

get the girl out of that situation. if she's old enough explain to your parents what is going on. maybe they have room for her.

if not you need to tell someone.

forget father - daughter psychological relationship the importance is on the relationship your g/f is going to have with herself the rest of her life.

now rather than later.

 

go kick that fugger in the teeth :shifty:
kidding
you have to get the authorities involved before he goes too far imo
next time could be the last time if he snaps
guys like that need to be stopped

 

I agree with this viewpoint.

 

Tangible evidence isn't necessary in this kind of situation I believe. In fact, I think the black eye is all they need. That's not to say that's all they need to call the father guilty, it is all they need to investigate.

 

alright so the way i see this panning out is:

she tells someone and it may get worse, or she doesn't tell someone and it continues on as usual and probably gets worse anyway.

having been in an abusive situation in the past something needs to be said or done if it is going to stop.

 

Definite Bump.

 

What age are we talking about here?

 

so what happened?

 

jeez, i hope everything works out. if you're close with your parents, that may be a good starting point RBT. talk to them.

 

Open chamber......insert round, release slide, switch off safety, buck him in the arm that he uses to slap her....

On any scale abuse is intolerable, being 16 she probably will leave you at first, be mad an all that.....Once the smoke clears, she will realize that you had to do that, and how much you cared for her, and she will like you that much more.....

 

I cannot stress enough, that you don't get involved violently. You must get proper authorities involved here. If you get involved in an altercation, at his house especially, the law is not on your side. If you get into trouble with law, you won't be able to help her. Talk to the police, they can and will advise you. Talk to a counselor at school. I know you want to save her, and you can, just be smart.

 

ditto rbt. I know instinct is to protect but you are headed down the wrong path my friend. You do not want assault charges. Yes she may agree with you now, but blood is blood, and she may turn on you even though the dad is hitting her.

 

Listen to these two guys, violence begets violence and for you to get involved in that manner will complicate things, escalate the situation and ultimately end up hurting hurting everyone involved, yourself included.

 

Words to live by.

 

yeah man but you hauling *** over there might get you involved

 

What a scumbag father.

 

I am just stunned reading this thread, RBT. It breaks my heart, and I applaud you for your efforts. As others have posted, I also strongly caution you on your PHYSICAL involvement.

If this young woman has any fears about damaging a "relationship" with her father by making this situation known, you might ask her what relationship she is worried about salvaging... Stress to her that fathers don't treat their daughters (or any family members/friends/etc.) this way, and she needs to remove herself from this dangerous situation. Reinforce to her the importance of HER life, HER well-being, and HER safety.

Even with all that has occurred, it is probably hard for her to publicly admit that her father is doing this to her. That is often the case in abusive relationships -- the recipient of the abuse feels they have either done something to deserve it or feels a "family loyalty" to keep it quiet.

I would suggest keeping the focus on HER safety and not to focus on "dad-bashing." As odd as it might sound, if you "attack" (in her opinion) her father that might only encourage her to turn away from your help. She has known her father/family longer than you, and that mere fact alone might possibly cloud her perspective.

Please keep us posted on how this unfortunate situation works out; trust me, we are all very concerned.

 

Any way you bring your parents into this? If you could get her to open up to them it would lend credence to when the authorities become involved, which is going to have to happen sooner rather then later.