My real name is Brian. I picked Jeffrey as my user name because there are people who stalk me on the internet. Anyway....this is the story about how both of my only brothers died. Needless to say I've been struggling with life ever since.


http://www.drugfree.org/Memorials/Casey_and_Dave_Pease

 

Thank you very much. I really feel welcome here, unlike other sites.

 

This is a song that I think says it all basically.

Hatebreed "Unloved"

When it all ended there was nowhere to turn. I hid inside myself hoping someone would find me. That day never came. As the years passed the pain lessened. I thought your voice was silenced forever. I was wrong. This time there's no turning back. Emerge from a doorway at the end of a war inside my soul. There's no picking up where we left off and there will not be a future. I've died so many times inside. I've accepted this pain. And I can't look back now. I never will. You don't know. You don't care .You never have and you never will. You made me realize everything I've ever known of love was pain.
And the person you once were has died and rotted away. I've lived with this knife in my heart. As a reminder of what I can't be. All I know how to do is hate you. There is nothing you can ever say or do. You don't know.You don't care. You never have and you never will. You were never part of my life and you never will be. Unloved. I was born unloved.

 

Thanks for the warm welcome and the support. I need all the help I can get right now. I seriously feel like I am losing my mind.

 

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers Chris. It means a lot to me. I feel like the Dolphins are part of my family. My brothers were as big of a fan as I am, and we all watched the games every Sunday. One of my favorite memories of my brother Casey is when we went to the 2000 Monday Night Miracle game against the Jets. My dad was able to get us tickets through a connection he had, and we ended up sitting next to Oronde Gadsdens cousins! We talked with them for most of the game. When all the Jets fans started leaving the stadium because the score was 30-7?, we went down to the lower level. It seemed like moving away from Oronde's cousins was like a bad omen for the team. Anyway, after the game we drove home and I honestly don't think one word was spoken. It was a painful game to witness, but a special memory that I will always hold in my heart.

 

Thanks Chaplain. You are a man of few words it seems.

 

I don't know what post you are referring to. I just thought it was odd that the Chaplain didn't acknowledge what my post was about. That's all.

 

Any negative emotion you can possibly think of. You name it........thats what I'm going through. And I just spoke with my brother Dave's friend Jack yesterday for the first time in years. He told me what really happened to Dave in NYC that night on May 25, 1997. The story that was given to us by his "friends" was not true.

Here is the real story. My brother Dave drank a bottle of overproof rum that he had just won on a bet. He made a bet with his boss (who was a Knicks fan) that the Heat would beat the Knicks in the 97 playoffs. The Knicks took a 3-1 game lead, and then Miami came back to win the series in 7 games. My brother chose overproof rum. Anyway, he and his friend finished the bottle and then went down to NYC. The story that we were given is that he went into the bathroom with some people he had just met, came back to the bar and said he had "just done some stuff" and collapsed. This is what really happened. Dave took a shot of heroin and immediately fell out. His "friends" proceeded to leave him on the sidewalk in a bad part of town in NYC. They left him there to die. Dave's wallet was stolen and he had a gash on his forehead, as if someone hit him. They just left him on the sidewalk and continued partying. This happened around midnight. My brother didn't get brought to the hospital until 5:30 am. It was too late.

 

I've been going over and over what happened in my head. Words cannot describe how I feel when I think about my brother being abandoned on the side of the road and left to die. I think about all of the people who must have seen my brother in need of help, but decided to just keep walking. Or the person(s) who did stop, but proceeded to take my brothers wallet and check his pockets for anything else of value.

 

I'm losing it.

 

You sure about that?

 

Far is relative.

 

I believe that my brother Dave was killed. I know he chose to take that shot of heroin, but his "friend" left him out to dry. He might as well have put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

At the wake, Dave's friend Jack was approached by Mike, one of Dave's friends from high school. Mike and a couple other people wanted the "green light" to murder these scumbags. Since Jack isn't a scumbag, he didn't give them the greenlight. He said and I quote...."It wouldn't bring Dave back."

Looking back on that....I wish that Jack had given the green light.

 

I'm back.

 

I had an epiphany in Orlando the other night. I can tell you the entire story if you want, but I found God.

 

Thank you to whoever unlocked this thread. I was offended when I found out that someone had locked it.

 

Thanks for being one of the few people who actually care. I know that there are people on this site that hate me for whatever reason. But you know what? I don't care. People can knit pick me to death but they don't know or care what I'm going through, so it doesn't matter to me. And my gut feeling is being confirmed by the minute as people don't respond to my messages or friend requests.

 

Not surprised that no one responded. I came here to reach out for help and I got banned for 10 days, then ignored.

Thanks.

 

I'm just really disappointed with how I feel like every word I say is knit picked to death. I feel like people are just looking for an excuse to ban me again. I just want people to not treat me like I'm an outcast. Which is how I get treated in real life seemingly everywhere I go. Just please cut me some slack. That's all I ask. Don't send me an infraction and ban me over something small. I'm not sitting here cursing people out or threatening anyone. I'm just trying to reach out for some help.

The hand over the fist.