Do you ever notice that your wife tends to become very contrary with you right when you feel strongly opinionated about something? The phrase 'pouring gasoline on a brush fire' comes to mind.
Is it just me? It seems that when I feel very emotional about an issue and have a strong feeling about it, my wife will argue, invalidate and otherwise antagonize me, which she normally doesn't do at all.
I ask because today we saw Lincoln, and then rented The Pianist. By the end, I was upset and indignant that people could so unjustly treat other humans so badly. She immediately went to work on saying I was being too angry and emotional, and should not be so upset, and etc etc.
True or not, I wonder sometimes why someone would argue with a person they are openly acknowledging is worked up over something. Doesn't that seem counter productive?
Does anyone else have this happen, where a wife or girlfriend seems to poke them with a stick right when it's the worst timing to do so?
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IMO, one of the roles of a wife or husband in a marriage is to counterbalance. Whenever one of us gets to upset with the children, we have an understanding that the other one will step in and push back to calm things down. getting emotionally riled up over a movie seems normal, getting riled up enough that you're arguing with your wife seems a bit extreme, which probably means she's right - you are being too angry and emotional over a movie.
Bpk likes this. -
True. Which is why I wonder why she wouldn't counterbalance with calm instead of an emotionally charged reaction of her own arguing against how I feel at the time.
You're right, and that's why I've learned timing is important. If something pushes her buttons and upsets her, now is not the time to push her to feel differently than she feels. That comes after she's worked through her reaction and back to the other side and is calm again.
The problem begins when one of us is bothered by something and the other attacks the reaction, making them "wrong" for having it before they've even gotten to fully express it. That just leads to a you versus me mentality, which is not constructive at all.
What ended up helping was her finally saying she herself didn't want to hear about how upset it makes me to see injustice. Rather than invalidate or dampen my right to feel what I get, it's better to just acknowledge that she herself didn't want to be exposed to how much it affected me. I can respect that (though it sucks to feel unheard and unsupported).
When we keep it in the "I need.." And not "You shouldn't..." it's a much healthier communication.
And it let me go away and examine why injustice and mankind doing evil to one another upsets me so much. Which I did go and journal about an process.
We also realized she was in her own reaction to the movies. While seeing the blacks mistreated in Lincoln and the Jews mistreated in The Pianist back-to-back made me indignant, if made her very very sad.
We both agreed its hard for two very feeling people to process two heavy movies like that in a row. Glad we didn't add Schindler's list after that. -
shula_guy Well-Known Member
Do you know what you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, she was already told twiceSleepy, Aqua4Ever04, CashInFist and 3 others like this. -
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I knew my wife would be trouble... yet I still married her... so that's on me. We've known each other long enough prior to marriage... dated for a long time. One trip to Disneyland with friends, we're in the parking lot and I'm driving impatient and too fast (I know what I'm doing, I'm showing off, but that's me)... she tells me to slow down (rightfully)... yet 4 hours later, that night when the car won't start she says it's because I was driving like an *******. Lets see.. I'm already pissed off about the car unable to start yet now she reminds me that I was driving like a jerk. Yeah, not good timing on that... She almost walked home.
Bpk likes this. -
pffftt,...he wishes. I'm too expensive for himunluckyluciano, Pandarilla, Fin-Omenal and 1 other person like this.
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I think that's b/c women enjoy having the shoe on the other foot for a change to where they get to actually tell us to take it easy, stop overreacting, etc. lol.
My ex went through a little F-bomb potty mouth stage that'd I'd call her out on b/c it was unbecoming. A few days later I'm reaching for my drink but accidentally knock it onto the floor, so I abruptly semi shout "mother-****er". So she mockingly badgers in, "why you gotta curse like that. You've been telling me I've been doing it too much so what gives you the right." What I did and what I wanted to do were 2 different things. I wanted to do was tell her to STFU, but what I wisely did was walk out the room and watch TV elsewhere. lol.Bpk likes this. -
I think that's b/c women enjoy having the shoe on the other foot for a change to where they get to actually tell us to take it easy, stop overreacting, etc. lol.
My ex went through a little F-bomb potty mouth stage that'd I'd call her out on b/c it was unbecoming. A few days later I'm reaching for my drink but accidentally knock it onto the floor, so I abruptly semi shout "mother-****er". So she mockingly badgers in, "why you gotta curse like that. You've been telling me I've been doing it too much so what gives you the right."
What I proceeded to do and what I wanted to do were 2 different things. What I wanted was to tell her to STFU, but what I wisely did was walk out the room and watch TV elsewhere. lol. -
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This is fairly simple, your wife felt somewhat jealous and took it personal that you`re able to show emotion to a topic she feels is meaningless.She much rather you showed those emotions towards her and her feelings. Therefore, she belittled you in a way only women know how to. Next question.
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Well, first off if you're expecting your wife to erect a statue in your honor, then you may was well start walking to the moon.
After just responding to that little snafu....with regards to women, you need to walk the walk. If you say something is off limits, then don't go there yourself as best you can; cause they'll never let you forget what you said. Women communicate through arguments anyways. That's what they do.
Also best way to get her off your ***. Just say "Listen I know you were upset about what I did earlier, I understand, I'm sorry. But this may not be the best time to deal with that,.....I need your help right now. Can you do this for me"...........(insert whatever small task you need done) and then thank the hell out of her, and say "what would I do without you."
You're good.
But, you're going to get into it with your wife, just know what battles to fight, and when to just save it and say, "you're right". Saying that sometimes, is soooo much easier than getting into it over something small. **** happens, but just move on quickly, provided its something small. Its the best thing IMO.Paul 13, Bpk, RGF and 1 other person like this. -
First time in man history that there's a fight TO BE *****. :shifty:
unluckyluciano and ToddPhin like this. -
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You're worth the lobster, baby.
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I know I do. She puts up with a lot of my moodiness, though it's improved a lot.
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"A husband is what's left of a sweetheart, once the nerve has been cut..." - Lou Costello -
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