Met a gal at the bar (I was bartending), never seen her before.
Got drunk with the patrons, she asked me to call her a cab.
I offered to take her home.
New in town, was living in a ****ty little motel.
Invited me in, we started kissing and then she asked, 'Do you have any sexual fantasies?'
I was thinking, 'I'm not telling you that, we just met.' (Actually didn't know her name yet.)
So I deflected the question by saying, 'what did you have in mind?' She says she likes to be tied up.
We have no bondage material or anything even resembling it in this motel room.
When genius struck, 'Aha, I'll tie her up with my clothes.'
So I tie one arm with my t-shirt, the other arm with my spandex biker shorts (underneath my thrashed out jean shorts), and both her ankles with my socks.
So she's naked and writhing on the bed, telling me to get over there, etc.
At this point, drunk, I decide to enjoy the show.
She's naked and has a nice body, so I decide to have a cigarette and watch for a while.
Go to my leather jacket to get my cigarettes (its cold at night), when I grab the jacket it falls on the floor and the knife I had purchased that day falls out of the pocket.
Think nothing of it, pick it up, blade out....
when disaster strikes.
She sees the knife, doesn't know me and commences screaming, 'Don't kill me!
Don't kill me!'
Paper thin motel walls, cops are called and I get to drunkenly explain myself to law enforcement.
Fortunately, I knew most of the cops from working at the bar, so they give me the benefit of the doubt and copious amounts of laughter.
Decided to just give up and go home at this point, but, of course, my battery's dead.
Had to call my dad.
He laughed too.
I'm so bad at sex.
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