I was sitting at a local bar with my friend and a couple walked in a guy and a girl, my friend taps me on the shoulder and says look at that *** I look and say yeah he must workout, The twist? he didnt get the reference so now how do I sound?

 

Holy crap, that made my day.

 

On a negative spin....

...when, after 45 mins of a colleague being on hold with the same song, the Beatles' 'Let It Be' makes you want to rip the phone out and throw it across the room.

I'm still living that moment right now. If you hear news reports of a violent incident in Gibraltar today, you'll know what it was.

 

...when you're on a plane standing outside the bathroom door thinking, whoever it is is taking a bit of a while, and then Sean Connery walks out.

No, seriously.

And then your young cousins decide they want to offer him some of their candy and walk up and down the aisle a few time trying to work up the courage. "Why, thank you!" Was his response.

This was many years ago though, on a flight to Spain from the UK.

 

whore

 

The moment when you realize that your girlfriend of six months, your ex girlfriend of one week (who you'd been with "steady" over the past year) and that little slutty thing you have on the side are all standing in your driveway....mad as hell and looking for vengeance.

My daughter's best friend was the ex to this guy...they told him off for like 20 minutes yesterday with him screaming about calling the police if they didn't leave. Then the kid's mom gets home, finds out what happened and starts whooping the kid in front of everyone and telling all the girls to stay and yell at him as long as they felt like. Then the mom went inside and locked the door.

That's the story my kid came home with yesterday- I think it made her month.

 

LOL. "Whooped him" please tell me he was over 18.

 

He was 16.....the girls were 17, 16 and 15 (plus my 17 year old kid was there too as a spectator).

 

Situation
I was 10 or 11 years old going to a restaurant with my family.
I see my football idol at the restaurant. He is sitting in a dark secluded corner.
He was married at the time to a well known female athlete. The woman he is with is young, beautiful and ... not his wife.
While I am working up the courage to go and speak to him my father mutters under his breath “and I wonder where his wife is”.
I go up to the footballer and ask for his autograph. He denies that he is the footballer and tells me to go away. I loudly insist he is the footballer and I can tell because he has a cut on his face he got in the last game, and thus ensuring the entire restaurant sees him. He agrees to give me the autograph. While waiting for him to sign, to make conversation I ask him “So where is your wife. I’d like to get her autograph too”.

It took about 10 or 12 years for it to suddenly dawn on me why he acted so unfriendly to me.

 

Similar story involving Don Shula. A buddy I grew up with was a huge autograph collector in South Florida. We went with him to sign everybody from Jordan to Gretsky to Madonna. And of course, tons of Marino and Shula autographs.

Well, Shula got so sick of this kid that he refused to ever sign something for him again....and he loudly protested him in front of dozens of people. It was a golf tournament and Shula went on and on about what a pain in the *** this kid was...good stuff and everybody laughed. Well, that night, there was a formal event and my friend invited me along- no idea how he got invitations but he did. And as soon as we enter, he makes a bee-line for Shula.

Well I'm like, "Frankie, don't do it....let's at least eat first and see what celebrities are here!" But he didn't listen and went straight up to Shula, who had this look on his face like "If that kid says one word to me, I'm going to lose my ****." This was literally 5 hours after getting told off at the golf course. But instead of talking to Shula, he pulls out this 8x10 glossy photo and asks Shula's wife to sign it. It was a photo of them at their daughter's wedding a few weeks before, and obviously nobody ever asks her to sign anything so she was super happy and gracious.

Then she turns to Shula and says, "Don, sign this for the nice boy, won't you?" The look on his face was absolutely priceless.....and that was the last autograph Frankie ever got from Don Shula. =)

You guys remember a legendary coach on the sidelines....but that moment is always the first thing I think of every time I see/hear Don Shula.

 

That moment when the gallon jug that you use to brew ice tea is so badly stained that you can fill it with hot water, forget to put the teabag in, and still not realize it. I just spent an hour making luke warm water, apparently. :lol:

 

One of my favorites:

I was in the IT business selling server solutions and finished a lengthy conversation with a client that was busting my chops while complaining about the pricing.. I thought I hung up the phone and started a 5 minute rant with my coworker (who was in the car with me) calling this guy every name in the book and dropping f bombs like it was out of style... I looked down at my phone a realized he heard it all - I grabbed the phone and said hello and he said **** you I heard all of that!

Needless to say I was concerned I'd get popped from my job. A day passed and he didn't call corporate. I gave him a call and we both laughed about it and apologized to each other. He became one of my best clients!

Later on in my real estate career I learned that risking the relationship and having things get hostile is sometimes the only way to get people to take action.

 

Some of my favorite stories as a young adult came from my best friend, who was a Miami-Dade rookie cop at the time. I probably shouldn't share this but the heck with it, it made me smile.

Call #1- Dispatch says a guy is injured in a pool. This is one of my buddy's first "solo" calls....no training officer. And he's thinking, why is this a police thing? Call an ambulance.

He gets there and it's a seedy motel straight across from a strip club. The guy was at the strip club, got a little excited and decided to run across the street and hop in the pool to do his business. And I guess while he was caught up in the moment, he looked and figured that the pool jet as just about the right size of a....

Well, in his thing goes, he starts doing the dance, and at first the pressure from the pool jet felt pretty sweet. But then it didn't. The guy starts screaming for help and the ambulance shows up. They say, there's not a lot we can do...maybe we can try some lube? But the guy was in agony and says nobody is touching anything. They turned off the pool pump, that didn't help....he actually started screaming more (maybe a vacuum effect? It's one of the world's great mysteries that we may never solve). They tried some Vasoline but nothing they tried worked. So they decide the only path forward is cutting concrete.

But the owner says Heck No!, who's going to pay for that damage? A big discussion ensues (with a screaming pervert in the background). Is it destruction of property since the guy willingly did what he did? Would business insurance cover it? Nobody knew, so they called the cops just to have a new opinion.

The owner was threatening to sue the EMT's and called his lawyer. The lawyer called a city inspector, and evidently the phones kept ringing. All for a pervert with his dick stuck in the pool....everyone had to come and see.

Well, my buddy gets there and says, "Have you tried Vasoline?" Everyone nodded. A debate ensued, all while this guy is screaming bloody murder that he's pecker is being ripped in half. Then a contractor shows up, says he can make a clean cut thru the concrete and they can drop it right back in place afterwards...he could even fix the pipe after a dick is removed from it. So the owner agreed....they cut a hole in the top of the pool above the screaming man. Then they cut the pipe just a few feet from his pecker.

They get the guy poolside and put a blanket over him the best they can, but truth be told everyone was watching hard wondering, "Why is he screaming so much?" By this time, even some strippers crossed the street to watch. Now the EMT is shining his light in the other end of the pipe and sees the biggest pecker in the history of peckers, and says out loud, "How the heck did you get that massive thing in that little hole?" Now people are paying attention even more....sadly this was before the cell phone era.

They make a few more cuts on the PVC (much to the man's protests) and trims it down to a few inches past the end of his....well, you know. Then they say they have two options....to ride in the ambulance and get him in surgery, or to pack that sucker with lube and give a little tug. This guy is equally humiliated and agonized, doesn't know what to do, and finally says, "Just pull it off...I can't take the pain anymore."

So the guy applied as much Vasoline that the hole could handle, then someone suggested motor oil for good measure. Someone else recommended vegetable oil. One of those got dumped down the pipe as well. They had the guy lay flat in the ambulance, two EMT's held him down and the 3rd tried giving it a little tug....nothing happened (except for a blood-curdling scream). By now, there's 100+ people there all asking, what happened to the poor guy?

The paramedics huddle up, agree that they probably need to just go to the hospital, and the guy is begging...please, just pull it off. Just grab it and pull it off. So they assume the "formation" once again, the biggest firefighter there gets a good two-handed grip (which I imagine looked pretty hysterical all by itself), and he jerks that pipe with everything he's got. Everyone heard a "pop" sound like someone smacked a ping pong ball, and out came the guy's pecker all in tact. My buddy says that at first, the guy's junk was about a quarter inch wide and almost a foot long, then it quickly shrank while swelling up to the width of a tennis ball. And as he's watching, he sees every color of the rainbow form before his eyes.

When all was said and done, he was about an inch and a half long and 4-5 inches wide...all in about 20 seconds time. We debated a few things over that night for years-

1) Could he still have sex or get someone pregnant?
2) How big/small is his pecker now? For that matter, how big was it beforehand?

Unfortunately, that's one of the stories you never get the full ending to...but you just have to hear and ponder about. My best guess is that he can have sex and his junk is a good 2-3 inches longer than it used to be.

 

That moment when.....I finally found the jeans I was looking for on Amazon, and see that they're listed as "vintage", because young men today apparently want to wear things that are skin tight, or else baggy as hell. :001_rolleyes:

 

That moment when you decide to work the day after a bad food poisoning episode.... I’m not going in to details but it led to ****ting in my pants!

 

I'm sorry but that goes FANTASTIC with your username.

 

That moment when your seven year old daughter is reading comics and watching anime at the same time, and you couldnt be more proud :up:

 

That moment when your hazy in the morning and accidentally put handsoap on your toothbrush..

 

That moment when people I went to high school with are posting pictures of their kids graduating from high school, and meanwhile I was at my daughter's preschool graduation yesterday, lol.

 

My best friend was about 12 years behind me with kids so we've debated this a lot. I sacrificed my late 20's, 30's and early 40's raising two girls...now they've graduated and are heading on with life. Meanwhile, my buddy has twin 8 year olds at home and he's 45. I was jealous as hell when he didn't have kids and traveling all over the place, and now he's jealous as hell I can look at my kid and say, "Go buy us dinner" while we sit around watching TV. We plan on travelling a lot more as well now.

So it's really a matter of perspective....did you have enough cash to do the things you loved in your 20's and 30's? If so, you probably did things right. But now that we're older and my wife and I are bringing home over six figures combined, we're taking much more epic trips and staying at much nicer resorts. The downside- we're older and fatter...we're not having 20 year old sex every 3 hours. So there's pros and cons across the board. However, the biggest thing in my favor BY FAR is that cell phones didn't exist until my kids were like 10...they're like handing a kid a loaded gun these days due to all the bullying and hate online. This new generation is so tech dependent its ridiculous.

Personally, I'm glad my kids are grown...I couldn't do it again if you paid me. I had the 19 year old with borderline personality disorder though, so I basically hate all kids in general these days until they give me reason not to. My wife laughs at me frequently for judging a misbehaving six year old's parents in a restaurant or something like that...LOL!

 

Well, I spent most of my 20s alone, depressed, overworked and poor, so it wasnt the happiest time!

I met my wife when I was 27, we got married almost two years later, and started trying to have kids about two years after that. But we had a really hard time with both, and so I became a dad at 34 and 37. Those first two years married before i turned 30 were really good though!

There have been many times lately, as I chase around my 5 year old, that i wonder how much easier it would have been ten years earlier had it worked out that way, lol!

 

That's funny, the same thing happened to my best friend. He was married at 27 but they couldn't have kids. They did 4 rounds of the fertilization treatment and like 10 year later, twins arrived. I used to laugh because they wanted kids so badly and I kept saying, "Take mine! You can have them for the whole summer!"

I think it all works out as it was meant to be though....I sometimes wish I would have waited longer, but it's also nice to almost have an empty nest at 45 (my 18 year old isn't going off to college until next year). It was nice being young when they were little to run/play/etc, but I also didn't have the wisdom or patience back then that I have today. So I think it balances out either way....plus your kids probably have a much nicer home and a better lifestyle than mine did 18 years ago- more toys and gadgets, more beach/Disney trips, etc. I worked so much in my 20's to make ends meet, I barely saw the kids some weeks.

 

Its true. I think I'm in a good middle ground. Old enough to have a nice home, stability, some wisdom, ect, but young enough to still go out and enjoy things and not be too old once my kids are grown. And I've spent the last five years as a stay at home dad after getting laid off a month before my younger daughter was born, so I've had a ton more time around them than a lot of other dads get to.

 

Yeah, I'm the age now that my parents were when I was a junior in HS, and I just have the little ones.

 

That moment when you wake up at 7am feeling great.. You look over at your wife and comment how nice it was that baby finally slept through the night. The moment when your wife gives you the glare of death and informs you that you snored through wakeup cry's and feedings that took place at 2 and 4AM. Which means she woke up at 2AM. You promise to help out the next night only to sleep through it again!

 

Ha! I've been there man. I sleep really, really hard and I'm difficult to wake up. My wife wakes up to a pin drop. There were times it was my turn to get the baby that she wasnt able to wake me up right away and just did it herself, and I got the flack in the morning.

 

That moment you realize, at 45, that you just don't care how ridiculous or expensive it is, you're going to buy a $200 lightsaber at Star Wars Galaxy's Edge when it opens at Hollwood Studios later this year.

 

I had a lightsaber fight with my daughter in Walmart last week, but not with the expensive ones :up:

 

LMAO! I'm bad to do that with mobile video games sometimes. I think to myself, "Hell yes I deserve this $12 upgrade to my character."

 

That moment when you look out of your bathroom window, and see a freaking bear. He was apparently enjoying the old pasta salad that my wife had thrown outside.

 

Wouldn't be a lot of point to it, unless he keeps coming back. The area where our house is has tons of forests and farmland around. I could call the sheriff, but unless the bear is right there when they show up, there's nothing that they can do. I'd seen bears several times while driving, and you see reports of them around people's houses from time to time, but I'd never had one at my own house before, let alone right up next to the porch. I'm guessing/hoping that it was a coincidence that he happened to be nearby when we threw out the food that we'd never thrown out before, because he devoured that and left anything else that was out there alone.

Usually they get into people's trash or bird feeders. I've never heard of one locally hurting a person or a pet. Just have to be careful. Where my parents live in WV, they not only have coyotes, but apparently a mountain lion as well. Those I don't want to mess with!

 

Been doing a lot more camping this summer, any recommendations for WV? I know the AT runs through Harper's Ferry but that trail is craggy as all hell and makes for a difficult overnighter.

 

I'm pretty much the opposite of an outdoorsman and grew up in a different part of the state, but my dad frequently went hiking and backpacking in Seneca Rocks and Dolly Sods in the 80s and 90s.