My brother wants to have my mother declared incompetant

I can't offer you any legal advice, but morally I think you hit the nail on the head. Sounds like your brother wants to dip his hands in her pocketbook as a personal stimulus plan.

"opfinistic wrote:

I can't offer you any legal advice, but morally I think you hit the nail on the head. Sounds like your brother wants to dip his hands in her pocketbook as a personal stimulus plan.

That's what it looks like to me too. And I am damned mad about it :angry: Its not his money, at least until she has passed. Its there for her comfort and to make her life easier as long as she is with us. She & dad earned it.

Call an attorney immediately.

Establish through records that YOU have dedicated your life to helping your mother and use witnesses to establish those facts.

Please act on this quickly. Never underestimate the greed people will resort to when under financial distress. I bet your brother likes to blame the world for his problems, huh?

"Bumrush wrote:

Call an attorney immediately.

Establish through records that YOU have dedicated your life to helping your mother and use witnesses to establish those facts.

Please act on this quickly. Never underestimate the greed people will resort to when under financial distress. I bet your brother likes to blame the world for his problems, huh?

And his financial advisor as well. I will get on the attorney this afternoon. Thanks BumRush.

that sucks man, sorry to hear that. I agree attorney would be the way to go, and make sure everything is spelled out as Bumrush suggested. I have some family that is the same way, and it sucks to say it but you have to be strong and do what you know is right to take care of your mother first and make sure she is cared for to the best of your ability which it sounds like you're doing.

Don't jump to conclusions bro. You don't know for sure if those are his motives. Has he always tried to do things like this? Take advantage of people? If so I can see why you'd be cynical. Maybe it would be best to sit down and ask him straight up. If he's having money issues there could be other ways to deal with it, and if you can reach a conclusion together, it will be best for everyone involved.

"PMZQ wrote:

That's what it looks like to me too. And I am damned mad about it :angry: Its not his money, at least until she has passed. Its there for her comfort and to make her life easier as long as she is with us. She & dad earned it.

My wife's two sisters are already chomping at my Mother in Law's 89 year old heels for the rights to her Manhattan apartment. I keep telling Mamita to sell it and put the money away so she can travel to visit the three sisters and her family back home in Ecuador.

Very sorry to hear this man, dont have any great advice other then whats been said but I do think some legal advice would be fitting.

Do you currently have power of attorney? If not, I would advise you to get one and a medical power of attorney as well. (They're two separate documents.)

Wow bro that is sriously ****ed up of your brother if he's trying to get his hands on your Mom's $$$.

I'll echo the "get a lawyer, STAT" statement.

And I will echo that sentiment as well-get legal documentation NOW. I am very blessed that my stepfather was an attorney who specialized in Wills, Estates, Taxation, and Estate Planning, so of course he had everything set up in the event of his passing. When he died in 2003, my mother was set, and when she died in 2007, there were rock-solid wills, separate writings, and accounting set up so noone could argue about who got what. My step-siblings both got the greed gene from their mother and would have, I believe, attempted to clean my mother out after their father died, if he hadn't made everything so airtight.

Do not delay-if you are in the Orlando area, I can give you referrals if you like.

Thanks everyone. Well I did call my attorney's office, and he is also my mother's estate lawyer. I hope he or one of his employees will be calling back this afternoon.

I should say she does have most of the estate, including the house in a family trust, so I think that would be secure.

I think he is wanting to get POA so we (if he can get me too) manipulate her checking and savings accounts, as well as her investment portfolio. I will never go along with this, but yes he has attempted to do stuff in the past that causes me to pause. I know mom has "forgiven" small loans to him in the past, and even when he was flush with money, he never came back to her and offered to repay loans she sorta forgave. I couldn't do that.....if I owe someone money, I pay them. I guess people are just built differently, especially when it comes to money.

Thanks everyone for your advice, its much appreciated. :up:

"Cosmic wrote:

Do not delay-if you are in the Orlando area, I can give you referrals if you like.

Thanks Cosmic, but I am in the Miami area, but the offer is much appreciated :up:

Once you have POA I would just flat out ask him if its the money he's after and how much he needs? Novel concept but I believe in being direct and to the point :)

I'm so sorry, Kevin. Having to deal with this sort of thing is so stressfull, not to mention distasteful when it involves family.

You're on the right track, seeking legal help. Whatever you decide for your mom, it will be better-intentioned than it seems your brother would do.

"Boik14 wrote:

Once you have POA I would just flat out ask him if its the money he's after and how much he needs? Novel concept but I believe in being direct and to the point :)

That might work, but I know him well enough to know he is greedy and will ask for more than he needs. He's always been like that - a selfish bâtard

"NaboCane wrote:

I'm so sorry, Kevin. Having to deal with this sort of thing is so stressfull, not to mention distasteful when it involves family.

You're on the right track, seeking legal help. Whatever you decide for your mom, it will be better-intentioned than it seems your brother would do.

Thanks Nabo, that has been the worst part of it all, the stress. I already suffer from a anxiety disorder, the one thing I don't need is stress on top of that. It just compounds it all.

If I freak out on the board about something if I can ask for a pass as I am under a lot of stress about this, and work and several impending bills that are really stressing me out right now.

The only thing here is that there's no guarantee that a psychiatrist would declare her incompetent.

theres always a thin line between money and family. ive gone through too much of it in my lifetime to care so much anymore.

"PMZQ wrote:

Thanks Nabo, that has been the worst part of it all, the stress. I already suffer from a anxiety disorder, the one thing I don't need is stress on top of that. It just compounds it all.

If I freak out on the board about something if I can ask for a pass as I am under a lot of stress about this, and work and several impending bills that are really stressing me out right now.

You've got your pass from me PM...

Get a lawyer and stay strong.

"Miamian wrote:

The only thing here is that there's no guarantee that a psychiatrist would declare her incompetent.

This is very true, and frankly I hope he/she doesn't. But it will only be putting off the inevitable I guess :sad: The doctor has already said that there is no reversing dementia once it has set in, it can only stablize, or get worse.

"FinSane wrote:

theres always a thin line between money and family. ive gone through too much of it in my lifetime to care so much anymore.

Fin you are only 22, that is not something your family should have put you through at such a young age. I'm sorry for that bro :sad:

"unifiedtheory wrote:

You've got your pass from me PM...

Get a lawyer and stay strong.

Thanks UT, its much appreciated.

Dude I miss talking to you. You were a lot of fun in the game chats. Post more often :wink2:

Really sorry for all the problems your brother is putting you through. I thank God my brother knows better than to ever do such a thing. he likes life to much to pull a stupid stunt like that.